Please, Not Another "Unorthodox" Story

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C'mon, I asked nicely.

If you are seeing Jews on social media expressing their outrage on the new Netflix series "My Unorthodox Life", it's because, to put it frankly, we have had enough.

For years, Hollywood has created TV shows and movies that show Orthodox Jewish lifestyle as oppressive and each time, the mainstream media has jumped on the chance to exacerbate these portrayals.

A Grey's Anatomy episode showing a Jew refusing to use a pig heart (completely false, by the way), the Netflix adaptation of the book "Unorthodox", and most recently the Netflix series "My Unorthodox Life"-these are just a handful of the recent films that shed an unfavorable light on the Orthodox Jewish lifestyle.

Please understand our pain and frustration.It's just that we know where TV shows and movies like this lead to: continued perpetuation of age old stereotypes about Jews (many of which are completely false- think "Jews have sex through a sheet") which then leads to increased friction and alienation between non- Jews and Jews, which then creates the dysfunctional mindset and myth that all ultra-Orthodox Jews are oppressed and need saving.

Simply put, this cannot be further from the truth.

To be clear, an ultra-Orthodox Jewish lifestyle is not for everyone and there are Jews who have terrible, painful, harmful experiences and choose to leave it. I unequivocally respect their choice to leave that standard of life and community.

Does the Orthodox Jewish world have progress they need to make? Absolutely. Are there ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities that have room for growth? 100%. Like any community and religion, Orthodox Jewry is filled with people who make evil choices, hurt others and even twist the words of the Torah to justify these choices. I have experienced this to an extent in my own personal life and I know many people who have as well. I absolutely support (and have done so myself) calling this out and holding the necessary people and institutions responsible. But does it have to be done through Hollywood?

Let me be clear in saying that I harbor no frustration or hard feelings towards any former Orthodox individual or family who tell their stories via the various productions over the years. I wholeheartedly recognize and do not doubt the truth in their experiences. However, I do not respect the media's enthusiastic pouncing on those Jews' stories and using them to push a very clear narrative against religious Jews.

You see, my frustration is toward Hollywood and the mainstream media and their obsession with painting the Orthodox Jewish community exclusively as repressive and tyrannical.

Why is Hollywood so fixated on this narrative? Why do they refuse to show the beautiful nuances and intricacies of Orthodox Jewry ? Why is the media adamant in leaving out the innumerable heartwarming aspects of leading an Orthodox Jewish life? It happens time and time again, and leaves me suspicious every time.

I'd like to propose an idea:

What if, instead of ridiculing large families that are common in the Orthodox world, a writer developed a script that expressed the blessing of having many siblings, the safety net it provides. The conflicts and drama sure, but also the beauty!

What if TV shows showed the complexity of married religious Jewish women covering their hair without making them out to be slaves to the commandment?

What if instead of only showing Shabbat as a time where Jews sneak electronics under their pillows on Friday nights, movies had scenes that showed Jews thoroughly enjoying observing Shabbat, reveling in her holiness.

To the Hollywood writers, producers and directors: you can create movies about Orthodox Jewry that shows the complexities AND the beauties of our lifestyle without making us out to be oppressed victims. And honestly, it's high time you did.

To my readers- I want you to ask yourself:

When is the last time you watched a secular TV show or movie that showed the grace and integrity of the Orthodox Jewish lifestyle?

The alacrity with which the secular world pounces on opportunities to paint Jews to be persecuted by our religious life style hurts like a slap in the face over and over again for years and years.

As an Orthodox, Chabad Jewish girl, I am sick and tired of Hollywood telling the world that I do not have agency in my life, making me out to be like a victim who needs saving. It's hurtful, but worse than that, it's downright false.

I want so badly to invite a Hollywood director to my family's Friday night table, let them experience the euphoric moment that is Shabbat, 24 hours with no phone, just reconnecting and spending time with loved ones.

I want so badly to take a producer from Warner Brothers Studio to tour the state of the art Mikva in Crown Heights, let them hear from husbands and wives alike about the beauty of the family purity laws and how these laws have absolutely enhanced their sex life.

I want to spend a day with A-list Hollywood directors who mock large families and introduce them to my Orthodox Jewish family, let them see with their own eyes how the greatest gifts my parents gave me are my eight siblings.

I want to introduce news reporters from People Magazine and Forbes to the hundreds of ultra- Orthodox Jewish women in my life who are successful CEO's of their own companies in various industries.

I want to sit down with celebrities and tell them that every day I CHOOSE to eat Kosher food, I CHOOSE to turn down acting opportunities that film on Shabbat or Jewish holidays, I CHOOSE to not use my phone from sundown Friday until nightfall Saturday. I choose, I choose, I choose.

The mainstream media contributes to the harmful social stigmas around religious Jews.

Forbes calling us an "extremist religious sect", reviews on "Unorthodox" saying that we are "trapped by the culture of orthodox religion", People Magazine implying that one needs to leave "the ultra-Orthodox community to become a successful CEO"

Headlines matter and the mainstream media is equally responsible for perpetuating these stereotypes about Jews. In fact, they are guilty of a greater offense- the double standard that works against religious Jews.

Ponder this:

Why is it that when I tell my makeup artist on set that I am waiting for marriage to have sex, she looks at me with pity and classifies me as oppressed, but when celebrities talk about preserving their virginity, they are considered "cool and sexy" ?

Why is it that when Orthodox Jewish women wear knee length skirts and long sleeve shirts, they are considered "old fashioned" and "controlled by men", but when a model struts down the runway similarly clothed, they are considered trending and "taking over the red carpet".

How come when I tell production companies I cannot be on set on Shabbat, I am met with an eye roll and deemed "inconvenient", but when celebrities talk about taking a 24 hour phone and social-media break, the media calls them revolutionary ?

Why is the world so committed to portraying religious Jews as constricted and "out of date"?

The entertainment industry is no longer getting away with perpetuating stereotypes on minority groups and ethnicities. 2020 saw an increase in production companies and casting departments creating policies and issuing inclusivity statements to protect minority groups, specifically as it relates to the way these groups are portrayed on screen . . . but, like the other trending social justice work, religious Jews are not included in their pledges.

Take a look at this study done to show how Hollywood is guilty of perpetuating stereotypes of various minorities on screen. Notice how the study conveniently does not include a section on the harmful stereotypical portrayal of ultra-Orthodox Jews.

In a time when the entertainment industry is committed to respectful inclusivity to every other minority, they have a responsibility to include Orthodox Jews in their commitment and to be held accountable when they do not.

Religious Jews deserve to have the beautiful, heartwarming aspects of our lives shown on the big screen, with the same budget, the same alacrity and the same size media attention that Hollywood and the media portray our shortcomings.

As a religious Orthodox Hassidic Jew myself, I feel a heightened responsibility to show the world that there are Orthodox Jews who are successful, dynamic, complex and happy with their religious lifestyle. I am one of them.

So in the same fashion as production companies putting out pledges, here is my pledge to the world:

I will continue to live a loud and proud Jewish lifestyle.

I will continue to pronounce to the world boldly for all to hear, "I am not oppressed, and I do not need saving".

I will continue to show the world what it looks like to be an independent, successful, deeply happy Orthodox, Hassidic Jew who absolutely loves my religious lifestyle and its standards I choose to adhere to.

I will continue to demand that Hollywood and the media portray the beautiful nuances of a religious Jewish life.

And I will do this with a joy stronger than Hollywood's mockery, and with a commitment tougher than the media's headlines.

Won't you join me?